Don't be afraid.. I'm right here with you.

Monday, June 30, 2008

its been awhile

hmms, its been awhile since i last posted hahha
well nothing much has happen these few days
besides the tests and projects.. tired siah haha
aniways i've been off emoing for awhile now
it feels great and all hahah cause i dun have to worry so much about anithing animore.
just doing my thing everyday, having fun and laughter. it feels so much better i guess

~ thinking of you ~ at 12:22 AM

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Dance Camp Is Fun but Tiring haha

Dance Camp was fun and very tiring hahha. fun in a sense of bonding and having fun with all the juniors during each of the activities. yup haha. tiring in a sense that being in the committee will have us constantly running around handling things that is happening. like moving items. having meetings. yet while dancing and having fun. planning camps are really fun. hope to have a camp again in the near future haha.

I've come to a conclusion on alot of things. If its meant to be its meant to be. no point trying to force anything at all. trying to force something will just make others irritated and annoyed by my actions although its suppose to have a different meaning. so ill just leave it all to fate and let fate do what it has to do. i want to become a better person. so now i shall begin improving myself. my character, my attitude towards things. so that ill never ever again have regret in anything that i do

thats all for now cyas all=D

~ thinking of you ~ at 10:22 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

No matter how much times has past.. these feelings will always be the same...

I dont know what i should do anymore..
i'm getting so fed up at home with my mum bitching me every time she sees me...
i really dont know how much more of this can i take...
i might just end up quitting everything im doing right now and be a slacker..
dance...music...sports.. studies... work and all.. haiz...
really dont want to give them up.. they are things which i love so much...

So many of a times i want to just kill off all my emotions.. and become a zombie.. living life day by day.. passing it all by.. so that i wouldnt be so stressed up and fed up with everything...

I'm so fed up when i see her in distress or in dispair.. i want to help her.. i want to show her that someone is always there for her when she needs a person to be there the most... i just dont know how.. i've been wanting to sit down and have a long chit chat session with her.. but fate just doesnt seem to allow it to happen.. i hate myself for not being able to keep her happy and smiling all day long.. i hate myself for not being able to show her so many things which i want to...

i'm starting to hate almost everything in my life.. except my frens..work..and obviously her..

should i stay or should i go.. is a question still flying about my mind...

~ thinking of you ~ at 12:55 AM

Monday, June 9, 2008

Long Thoughts 2

Today i've been thinking alot again... on the trip in the bus back from dance in school...
Rather much emoing throughout the whole journey thinking...
Thinking about me as a person... my character...and my life...

Rather much put up a smiling face on the outside.. although inside i feel so much pain..
This deceit which i show the people around me... should i actually do that... or should i actually show how i actually feel... will it actually affect everyone else around me... i show care and concern to people around me... cause i don't want them to feel the same way i feel.. cause i know personally that it is like shit... and shit it has always been... cause of so many things which have been happening... sometimes i just feel like killing my emotions... so that i would be able to live life without any pain... but these emotions is what keeps me as a human... without them i would just be a living zombie...

feelings of love... it is very hard to love someone.. cause i just want her to be happy always at any cost of my expense, whether in feelings or life... funny aint it... yup and the songs im writing is actually for her.. hahaz.. guess what im doing.. im making 1314 straw hearts just for her..so far made 650 of them... needa get more straws to continue.. maybe one of these days i go buy.. this the first time that i actually did so many things for a girl.. it feels like i've fallen into a deep hole which i cant climb out of.. and i dont even want to climb out of.. some other things.. i did.. making a bracelet for her.. also a first time for me... so ya.. dunno la.. it just somehow feels that i can risk my everything and do anithing for her.. hahaz... some of you may think im stupid or wat.. but it doesnt matter... im just a stupid guy who has fallen deeply for a girl...

Things will never change.. The feelings will always remain the same.. For as long as i will live.. I will always love you..

~ thinking of you ~ at 11:49 PM

Damm my body hurts so much

Friday Nite after presentation
We left school at like 8pm to catch a bus to go to Temasek Poly to get the 'princess' tiffany to go eat supper at kovan.. me and tobias slept like a pig in bus 72 on the way to tampines while raymond was trying his best to keep awake lol... we 3 damm suah ku lor.. reach there dunno where the heck is the bus we suppose to sit.. walk up and down so many times haha..
finally got to kovan to eat supper.. after much thought it was decided as prata! mann i was so hungry.. had 2 cheese 2 kosong.. 1 milo dinosaur then indian rojak lol.. we crapped alot haha was fun haha..maybe we should do it again sometime..

Yesterday's dance training was a killer.. so much stunts.. carry until can die haha
havent been feeling really well lately.. yesterday morning migrane like hell in dance training
till i had to take a panadol and rest for awhile before it got better...
now my whole boday aches like hell haha.. upper body to be exact.. i so need to excercise more.. hahaz..

writing my second song.. haha dammit cant figure the chords at all...

~ thinking of you ~ at 12:43 AM

Friday, June 6, 2008

god save me..

bloody hell this project leader is really omfg...
cant get into his thick damm fucking skull...
cant even talk sense into him...
bloody hell help him so much...
tell him nice and clear how things should flow..
he say ok then give shit...not once but all the time.. GOD!...
i seriously wanna slap him in his face.. and knock some sense into his damm thick skull..
enough with him.. really pissing me off...

I'm so tired these days.. piled with so many things.. projects.. tests... work... god...
hardly have enough sleep... always cant sleep till like 4-5am in the morning.. wth...

I miss those times sitting bus back with you and sending you home.. where mostly its the only time i can be alone with you.. haha.. where we could talk 1 to 1 about anything..

Finally i finished one song which i was writing haha full with chords=D so happy..
thx to Tobias for the help with it hahaha and listening to it giving me comments to edit the song here and there=D. Now currently working on the second song.. mann the chords are so hard to figure ><.. prolly will get my bro to help me out a lil here and there on the chords haha..

~ thinking of you ~ at 3:23 AM

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Just cant seem to sleep early =X

Mann these few days i've been sleeping at 5-6 am in the morning..
gosh... i need sleep.. im becoming a zombie.. haha all these are just side notes though

bloody project is killing me.. i so wanna kill the bloody leader..
damm him.. grr... wasting all my energy dunno for wat reason...
i fucked my IT3112 test.... really fucked it.. failed by 0.5 marks wth..
this is shit man.. the bloody questions were all so vague... all the answers can be correct ones... dunno wtf is wrong with the bloody lecturer.. im super pissed and no mood at all.. zzz...

recently.. i've been writing my own songs...Yes! its composing.. haha..
so far i've completed one.. now writing the other one halfway haha
kinda cool i guess.. never thought that i would actually start writing songs
its fun and all so yups hahhaz... somehow or another the inspiration for these songs
are all related to her.. hahaz.. funny aint it=X

well leaving things to fate now helps me be more relaxed and all...
but the urge to want to see her everyday still remains... its hard..
haha... i shall perservere and wait =D... cause one day she may notice or
love me back... haha.. hope that day would be soon hah =X..
ill just take things slow for now ahhaa

~ thinking of you ~ at 4:24 AM